Love Chooses You
by EsW
Summary: Magnus and Alec behind the scenes, no glitter or Shadowhunter gear. Just them, together.  Some time between City of Glass and the end of City of Fallen Angels   K  for safety


The sky was almost reaching dawn over New York City and even in the 'city that never sleeps' the streets seemed almost eerily empty below Magnus Bane's apartment. Alec Lightwood often wondered whether Magnus put up mundane-repelling wards around his home, but Magnus had neither confirmed nor denied it – dismissing the question with a carefree wave of his hand.

Looking at Magnus now, it was easy for Alec to see the Magnus he knew so well. Behind the glitter and the clothes and that oh-so-charming smile was simply the man which Alec loved so much that it scared him sometimes. He watched Magnus in quiet contemplation, sitting in the chair by the window in Magnus' bedroom. He was fast asleep, naked apart from the duvet which was covering him up to his waist. His dark hair was flat for once and his chest was rising and falling rhythmically. To Alec, he looked so remarkably _human_ that it took his breath away.

In that moment he wasn't the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He was just Magnus. And Magnus in any form of himself was perfect to Alec - glitter, sparkles and hair dye included.

Magnus stirred on the bed and, after a moment, his left eye opened to reveal his cat-like stare. A faint smile appeared on his lips upon seeing Alec and he propped himself up on his elbow, neither of them saying anything for a moment. Somewhere in the apartment Chairman Meow was mewing in his sleep, a regular occurrence, Alec had discovered.

"How long have you been awake?" Magnus asked, not sounding sleepy in the slightest.

"Not long," Alec said truthfully. "I couldn't sleep."

Magnus eyed his boyfriend with concern. "Anything you want to talk about?"

Alec smiled and got to his feet, setting the blanket which had been around his shoulders back onto the chair. He padded over to Magnus' king bed and slid into the side which had somehow become 'his side'. He shuffled up close to Magnus and put his arm behind his own head for support. Magnus began tracing his fingers along Alec's torso gently.

"No. Nothing important, anyway," Alec answered at last. He looked up into Magnus' cat eyes and found his smile returning – as it often did when he looked at Magnus. It was like a reflex now. He thought back to their first kiss and found that it seemed like a lifetime ago. They'd come a long way since that day.

"When I-" Alec began, before finding he was struggling to find the right words. "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night. I have this same dream over and over. A nightmare, really."

Magnus frowned. "What dream?"

"I'm at the Institute and I'm asking for you, for someone to get you because I'm scared of something. You arrive and you still look as you do now. You come close and we kiss but when you pull back, I see myself reflected in your eyes. I'm old, at least eighty. I wake up when I realise I'm on my deathbed. And I realise I'm not terrified of dying, I'm terrified of being without you."

Magnus sighed softly and rested his forehead against Alec's, closing his eyes. Alec closed his own eyes and inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of Magnus which was so familiar.

"Alexander, you listen to me," Magnus murmured softly. "I'm never going to tell you that this is going to be easy. It's not going to be easy. But we both have to learn to come to terms with it. Believe me when I say I want to be with you for as long as your forever may be. We'll figure it out as we go along, I promise."

"Doesn't it scare you, Magnus? Thinking about the future?"

Magnus laughed softly and pulled back, looking into Alec's breathtaking blue eyes. He removed his fingertips from Alec's chest and used them to push back his black hair, his fingertips lingering in his hair. "After eight hundred years you'd think my answer would be no. But the truth is; it's the only thing which scares me."

"Really? You act like you have the Fearless rune all the time."

Both men laughed at that and Alec wondered how it was possible to fall even more in love with Magnus every time he smiled or laughed or stroked his hair like he was doing. It felt almost like he would never be able to get close enough to him.

"Being fearless doesn't mean that you're incapable of feeling scared. Many of the human emotions seem so pointless to me, but not fear. Or love. Especially not love."

"That's what I don't understand. After all of these years of losing love...why do you let yourself fall in love again? Why with me?"

"If there's one thing I've learned, Alexander, it's that you don't choose love. It chooses you. I've wanted to give up. I've tried." He paused. "It never works out."

Alec watched Magnus closely and saw the faraway look in his eyes which sometimes occurred when Magnus was remembering another era, another time. Places which were too far away for Alec to reach or understand. Sometimes that look in his eyes sent a chill down his spine and he wished he could heal Magnus from having to remember the painful things.

After a long moment, Magnus sighed and lay down on his back, his shoulder touching Alec's as they both stared up at the canopy above Magnus' four poster bed, where it was even darker than the rest of the room. Alec moved his hand and felt around until his hand touched Magnus', then he gently interlinked their fingers.

"Where's your mind?" Alec whispered. "Which era?"

Magnus was silent for a long moment before he finally said, "This one. Here, with you."

"You mean it?"

Magnus exhaled slowly. "Yes. Right now is what matters. Do you believe me yet?"

Alec smiled and turned onto his side to look at Magnus, admiring his profile and his broad chest, his skin tone and his hauntingly beautiful face. Alec was long past wondering what Magnus saw in him. It didn't matter what he saw in him, it just mattered that he saw something he thought was worth loving. And, thank the Angel, he really did.

"I believe you," Alec said softly.

Magnus smiled, a wicked sort of smile this time, and propped himself up on his elbow again, fully back in the present. He touched Alec's cheekbone gently before bringing his lips to Alec's, their lips barely touching at first. Alec responded by deepening the kiss and pulling Magnus closer to him – that familiar feeling of never feeling close _enough_ grabbing hold of him. Magnus' hands moved to his hair as his body shifted to lie on top of Alec, their legs intertwined beneath the duvet. The kiss was intense and yet passionate in a surreal, calm, way. It wasn't desperate and feverish like it was before they usually made love and somehow Alec knew that tonight was different – a game changer. Just being together without it being only physical.

Magnus' lips deserted Alec's and instead found his neck. At first, Alec thought that Magnus was murmured incoherent things against his skin, but as he listened closely he heard Magnus repeating the same words over and over, "I love you."

Alec smiled and closed his eyes contentedly. As the pair fell asleep in each other's arms, Alec got the feeling that he would never be having that nightmare again. His only thoughts before finally finding sleep were; _Magnus, Magnus, Magnus._


End file.
